Where must we go...

This line from Mad Max rings in my head every time I feel confused about my place in the world.

I’m sure this confusion is neither unique nor interesting. In fact, circa October 2023, it’s to be expected. Last week, I learned that there are people who do not experience this confusion. They have found their peace and purpose in religion, or some other philosophy and they live happy and content with all their questions answered for them.

My immediate reaction to such people is envy. My second reaction is distrust. As much as I have tried, the case where one such thing answers all my questions and concerns has not been my experience, so I draw the conclusion that there’s certain information that I am not privy to or… these people have mispresented their experience to me.

Like the line from Mad Max, I’d like to be a in a situation where I can discover and become my better self, but I am not sure where to go or what to do.

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At some point in time, I felt confident talking about and to other people’s beliefs and about their lives because I felt like I was part of that community. In most cases, the experience of those others was also my experience so if I were to make some type of statement, I would most likely hit than miss. But the isolation that started during COVID seems to have spilled over and now I can’t make any claims about my society because I feel very detached from the lives of others. It seems like everyone has created little domes around themselves and are unwilling to come outside.

Whenever I log into any type of social media and I watch what people do and say, it surprises me how much our lives have diverged. As it stands today, I think the divergence has become so extreme that we are finding it a little difficult to understand each other, to empathies with each other.

The personalized conveniences that were created during COVID, which at the time felt like such blessings, now appear to me like enablers for loneliness. The Cab-hailing services that cost 20 times as much as public transportation, the food delivery services that keep you fed without ever having to leave your house, the uproar that followed my suggestion to carry work meetings in-person as opposed to online, and the number of events my friends missed because they didn’t want to be around people, the flamboyant social media personalities that seem to lose their luster and their charm when you locate them in line at the movies very late at night…

I used to think I was anti-social and admittedly, I can appear quite difficult to like and sometimes I get put off by people easily and my face doesn’t hide it well. But while I embrace and somewhat survive with my misunderstood personality, it startles me when I see other people take such great measures to avoid each other.

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The above statement might appear hypocritical. But it is also true. I can’t afford to say that I am lonely. My family, my friends and the few communities that I am a part of will not let it slide kindly. But the remedy for loneliness isn’t the quantity of people around you. It’s not the number of friends you have. It’s something else I haven’t quite figured out how to verbalize yet.

I am taking on a personal project as sort of a distraction from this thought. I find myself at a crossroads of sorts and I haven’t found myself in such a position in quite a while. But I am starting a little personal project to rediscover creativity and creative living. Where once friends and family were the place to go at a time like this, I don’t think friends and family will have much for me right now, so when I start to think, where must we go, we who wander this wasteland in search of our better selves, this is where I have decided to go.

Wish me luck.